Sir! Regret to inform that The Prisoner Newer Hamster has escaped. It appears that the side door of his prison cage was inadequately fastened and he has made a break for it, sir. Personnel on site sadly incapacitated at present and so unable to instigate full search. Will send in specialist search and rescue team when they finish training duties get home from school, sir.
Tuesday 13th November 1630 hours
Sir! Pleased to report that The Prisoner Newer Hamster has been located by specialist search and rescue team. Current position: curled up behind freezer in dining room. Current status: fast asleep. Plan of action: specialist search and rescue team have placed bait tempting food treats leading back to prison cage. Will keep you informed of progress, sir.
Tuesday 13th November 1700 hours
Sir! Delighted to inform that The Prisoner Newer Hamster is safely back in his prison cage. Trail of bait tempting food treats did the trick. Always helps to be informed of individual's weak points, sir. All personnel involved aware that The Newer Hamster's laziness is exceeded only by his greediness. Have instructed specialist search and rescue team to stand down and have ordered extra security measures to be implemented for the future. Recommend maximum security prison cage, sir.
...is what I speak. It describes what I actually say (nonsense, mostly) and how I say it (ie my accent, which is a mixture of all sorts - a bit of North of England, a bit of Irish, a bit of South West England, a lot of just me!) The word comes from my name, Mel, and the fact that I'm one-quarter Welsh. But there's not actually any Welsh in my accent. Go figure...